


Sneezing prevention techniques

by Katysha



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, give it a try i guess, i don't even know what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-09 00:36:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1962279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katysha/pseuds/Katysha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regina has a thing for apples and Emma's leaving her for the red leather jacket</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sneezing prevention techniques

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there. First time writing and posting in English. I found this on my phone and thought "well, why the hell not?" I don't really know what to make of this, and it's definitely not the best of fanfiction, but it's something haha. Don't wanna bore you to death, so here's this weird little thing (unbeta'ed, so read at your own risk lol)

"Seriously? What the hell was that?"  
"Well," Regina had been flushed as it is, but now she resembled a ripe tomato, "it slipped out…"  
"Is that a fetish? Is that it? I got involved with a fetishist?" Emma ranted. "Not that I have anything against it, I can't throw stones, since I seem to have a thing for fairytale characters and all…"  
The ex-mayor shoved the sheriff in mock annoyance.  
"Miss Swan!"  
Emma ignored the uncalled for violence.  
"Oh! Maybe that's like a safe word? Please, tell me it is and ease my worries!"   
"Yes, Emma, you were so unfathomably awful that I had to yell my safe word just as I was coming," Regina retorted sarcastically, but not without a playful twinkle in her eyes.  
"Oh dear god in heaven, whatever shall I do now, having disappointed my queen so terribly? Please forgive me, milady, your highness," the blonde lamented dramatically.  
"Well, I suppose there are certain ways…" Regina started.  
"Woah there, easy. Don’t change the subject," Emma said pointedly, "and tell me what the heck was that about already!"  
The blush returned to the brunette's cheeks tenfold.  
"Um, I was…" she cleared her throat, "thinking about apples, and, yeah, there you have it... Happy now?"  
Unrelenting to her girlfriend's glare, The Savior pressed on.  
"So, just to make it clear, you were thinking about APPLES when I was going down on you?!"   
Regina shuffled awkwardly, pulling the sheets up to her chin, but didn't answer.  
"Come on, there's gotta be a reason! Like, I don't know... Oh god, Gina," the blonde ignored the other woman’s indignant huff at her use of the blasted pet name, "you do love that damn apple tree more than me? I knew it, I just knew it! Well, just so you know, I'm leaving you for my red leather jacket!"   
"I always knew your fashion sense to be horrid, Miss Swan, but I thought you chose your partners with more taste. Apparently, that was a wrong assumption, and bedding me was just a lucky coincidence."  
"Contrary to what you might think, you're not distracting me with your quippy jabs. Back on track, Madame Mayor," Emma insisted.  
"Fine. I was about to sneeze. Does it satisfy your curiosity enough to put an end to my humiliation?" it came out harsher than Regina intended.  
"Well, firstly, you can't embarrass yourself in front of me. I'd probably just find whatever it is you think is humiliating too fucking adorable to care. Secondly, how in hell is sneezing connected to apples? Is it yet another fairytale evil-queenish thing that I don't get? Cause it's getting old real quick, these weird in-jokes everybody in town gets, except for me."  
The retired queen couldn't hide her condescending bewilderment.  
"Emma, you did live these last 29 years on this planet, in this realm? Sometimes it feels like it was you who was trapped in a minuscule town in Maine for 28 of them."  
"Well, I can't know everything. I am street-smart!"  
"You mean a delinquent?"  
"Off topic! Apples, sneezing, connection, please."  
Regina sighed dejectedly.  
"Okay, an interesting fact. Did you know that if you think about something peculiar and weird when you have an urge to sneeze, you will startle your brain, so to say, and redirect it's attention? Ergo, no sneezing. I could explain it like I would to a 4-year-old, if you like…"  
"No-no, thanks, I got it, when I want to sneeze I'm gonna think about you wearing jeans and a t-shirt, that's probably the weirdest…"  
"I actually own clothes other than pantsuits and pencil skirts, Sheriff Swan!"  
"Well yeah, I suppose you've kept some of those full-on dominatrix dresses you used to wear…"  
"How would you know?"  
"Rumor has it, your majesty, that you were really into corsets and cleavage and black lace. Plus there were pictures in Henry's book…"  
"I knew the damn thing couldn’t be trusted!"   
"So you’re telling me it’s all lies? Color me disappointed."  
"Well, not all of it…" Regina batted her eyelashes coyly at her girlfriend.  
"I’ll take that," Emma grinned. "But we’re definitely going to give those outfits a spin."   
"Maybe, if you ask nicely," the brunette said with a note of evil queen in her voice.  
"Or maybe, if I don’t tell everyone about your thing for apples," she laughed.  
"Miss Swan!" 

***

"But wasn’t that whole ‘forget your sneeze’ thing about PINEapples?»  
"Oh gods, Emma, just leave it already!"


End file.
